How to Divide Your Time and Attention Between Your Children

For 4 years, my daughter was an only child. As parents, we could spend as much time with her as wanted. When my wife got pregnant and gave birth to our son the love and attention needed to be divided, things had to change.

Very quickly, we had to change our plan as parents and learn how to divide our time evenly between our children – children who had very contrasting demands. Now that our daughter is 10 and my son is going 7 I can still feel that their is a sibling rivalry for attention between our kids.

Here are some tips and tricks that we have picked up during our time as parents that will hopefully assist others, as well.

1. Understand their different needs

 My first piece of advice is to identify the different needs of your children. For example, my 10 year old daughter needs to feel grown up, wants to help her mother with the laundry and washing dishes at times. My son on the other hand wants to play, draw, and sometimes be just by himself watching tv or playing games on his tablet.

Even if your children are closer in age, they will still need different things and attentions from you. This makes it much easier to divide your time between them.

Where their needs are the same, spend time with them both in order to help them learn that they do have to ‘share’ you.

2. Teaming up with your better half


One of the best ways to divide your time is to work with your better half.

While you’re spending time with one of your kids, let your wife spend quality time with the other. By working as a team in this way, my wife and I have found that each child gets the attention they’re craving.

Parenting is all about teamwork so remember to back one another up, and make sure you’re playing for the same side. It can be very difficult pleasing everyone but by sharing the load when you can makes things easier for you both.

3. Enjoy one-on-one time


One of the biggest challenges I have found as a parent, is making time for one-on-one days or activities with my children which is I barely do. But when you can, this is one of the best ways to help divide your time between them.

For example: if my son is having his 'me time' playing his toys in our room or playing his favorite game in his tablet I try to convince him that I am also interested on what he's been doing and try yo bond with him as much as possible.

Then, when my daughter is alone watching movies, I’ll spend the same amount of time with her. I’ll help her with his homework or just simply talk to her about school, talk about her day, or spend half an hour or so doing something she wants to do. This helps them both spend time with me each day especially on weekends.

4. Foster independent time 

 It’s important that your kids learn to not be so dependent on you, and demand your attention and time 24/7. That’s why I would like to recommend encouraging your children to spend time on their own 'me time'. Whether they play with their toys, spend time together, or do some homework; it’s important they learn a little independence.

This will help you to spend time with your other child, but will also teach them that it’s okay not to have your undivided attention. For me and my wife though, my daughter is so happy to spend time at her grandparents house during weekends, so it’s hard to pencil in any one-on-one time!

5. Spend time as a family

My final advice is to not see parenting as a ‘one or the other’ type approach. You’re a family and should spend as much time together as you can whether it be evenings or days out, or just eating meals together. Being a multi-tasking parent is hard but it’s a rewarding job.

Do you have tips and advice on how you spend time with each of your children? I’d love to hear them and we can add it here in the future.

It Takes A Real Man To Be A Dad

Fatherhood is  a wonderful thing!

Every father has fears that he won’t be a great one, that he’ll mess up, that he’ll be a failure. It comes with the job. Unfortunately, what doesn’t come with the job is a simple set of instructions.

Married for 10 years and having 2 kids (my daughter is 10 years old and my son is going 7). I've learned a lot on the do's and don'ts of fatherhood and yet i know that it is a never-ending process and no one can master it. One thing is for sure Anyone Can Be A Father But It Takes A Real Man To Be A Dad. So please start reading some of the fatherhood tips i have compiled and put up some comments if you want to add more. Thank you!

Do not separate or brand every duties — always share responsibilities.

While there are a lot of great things back from the day (our grandparents days) that we should start bringing back, the traditional father/mother separation of parenting duties should not be one of them.

Most couples still look at certain duties as “for the mother only” or "that's a thing that only fathers do", don’t be like them. Try to be involved in everything, help each other and share the load. For example, changing diapers, giving baths, getting them dressed, even feeding them.

Time is Gold, make the most out of it.

One thing that amazes me is how quickly the years have flown. My Daughter is now 10. and she is nearing her teenage years and a couple more years she will have a boyfriend and she will start her own family and she will leave the house and we'll all be lonely! (joke lang back to the real topic).

There is not enough time! The time you have with them is short and precious — make the most of it. Always spend as much time as you can with them, and make it quality, loving time. Try to be present as much as possible while you’re with them too — don’t let your mind drift away, as they can sense that. (come on stop looting in coc when you're with them, maximize the shield, LOL)

Let them be themselves.

Most parents try to mold their child into the person they want their child to be or they have dreamed to be when they are still young (and of course dreaming)… even if the child’s personality doesn’t fit that mold. Instead, instill good behaviors and values in your child, but give your child freedom to be himself and be what they want to be and what would make them happy. Children have oddity and different personalities. Let those personalities flourish. Love your child for who he is, not who you want him to be.

Let them decide. 

While it is easier to be strict, what you’re teaching your child is to submit to orders no matter what. Instead, teach your child to make decisions, and he’ll grow up much more competent— and happier. Kids like freedom and decisions, just like any other human beings. Your job is to allow them to make decisions, but within the conditions that you set.

Let your child be independent.

From an early age, teach your kids to do things for themselves, slowly letting them be more independent as they grow older. While it may seem difficult and time-consuming to teach your child to do something that you could do faster yourself, it’s worth it in the long run, for the child’s self-confidence and also in terms of how much you have to do.

Model good behavior.

It’s one thing to tell you child what she should do, but to say one thing and do another just ruins the message. In fact, the real lecture your child will assimilate is what you do. Your child is always watching you, to learn proper behavior. Excessive drinking or smoking by parents, for example, will become ingrained in the child’s head. Bad manners, bad habits, anger and a negative attitude, laziness and greed … all these behaviors will rub off on your child. Instead, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn.

A little patience goes a long way.

As a parent, I know as well as anyone how easy it is to lose your patience and temper. However, allowing yourself to react in anger or disappointment is not the best thing for your kid, and you must remember that. That means you need to take a deep breath, or a walk, when you start to lose your patience. Practice patience with your child and your relationship, and your child, will benefit over the long run.

When you say "no" mean it.

While I'm all for giving children the flexibility to choose, and for free play, and lots of other freedoms, there should be limits. Parents who don’t set boundaries are going to have children with behavior problems, who have problems when they grow up. And if it’s not good to always say “yes”, it’s also not good for the child to say “no” at first … and then cave in when they throw a temper tantrum or beg and plead. Teach them that your “no” is firm, but only say “no” when you really feel that it’s a boundary you need to set.

Don’t be the absent dad.

The biggest mistake that dads make are not being there for their children. Always, always set aside time each day and each week for your children. Don’t let anything violate this precious time. And at those big moments in your child’s life — a basketball game, a little video game, a movie marathon — do you very best to be there. It means the world to them.

Treat their mother with respect, always.

Some fathers can be abusive towards their wife (hey not me, but i think i know someone :P), and that will lead to a cycle of abuse when the child grows up. But beyond physical or verbal abuse, there’s the milder sin against the child’s mother: disrespectful behavior. If you treat your child’s mother with disrespect, your child will not only learn that behavior, but grow up with insecurities and other emotional problems. Treat your child’s mother with respect at all times.

Stand together. 

It’s no good to have one parent say one thing, just to have the other contradict that parent. Instead, you and your wife should be working together as a parenting team, and should stand by each other’s decisions. That said, it’s important that you talk out these decisions beforehand, so that you don’t end up having to support a decision you strongly disagree with.

There you have it... Hope it could give you some insights and tips about fatherhood. Don't forget It Takes A Real Man To Be A Dad.