How to Divide Your Time and Attention Between Your Children

For 4 years, my daughter was an only child. As parents, we could spend as much time with her as wanted. When my wife got pregnant and gave birth to our son the love and attention needed to be divided, things had to change.

Very quickly, we had to change our plan as parents and learn how to divide our time evenly between our children – children who had very contrasting demands. Now that our daughter is 10 and my son is going 7 I can still feel that their is a sibling rivalry for attention between our kids.

Here are some tips and tricks that we have picked up during our time as parents that will hopefully assist others, as well.

1. Understand their different needs

 My first piece of advice is to identify the different needs of your children. For example, my 10 year old daughter needs to feel grown up, wants to help her mother with the laundry and washing dishes at times. My son on the other hand wants to play, draw, and sometimes be just by himself watching tv or playing games on his tablet.

Even if your children are closer in age, they will still need different things and attentions from you. This makes it much easier to divide your time between them.

Where their needs are the same, spend time with them both in order to help them learn that they do have to ‘share’ you.

2. Teaming up with your better half


One of the best ways to divide your time is to work with your better half.

While you’re spending time with one of your kids, let your wife spend quality time with the other. By working as a team in this way, my wife and I have found that each child gets the attention they’re craving.

Parenting is all about teamwork so remember to back one another up, and make sure you’re playing for the same side. It can be very difficult pleasing everyone but by sharing the load when you can makes things easier for you both.

3. Enjoy one-on-one time


One of the biggest challenges I have found as a parent, is making time for one-on-one days or activities with my children which is I barely do. But when you can, this is one of the best ways to help divide your time between them.

For example: if my son is having his 'me time' playing his toys in our room or playing his favorite game in his tablet I try to convince him that I am also interested on what he's been doing and try yo bond with him as much as possible.

Then, when my daughter is alone watching movies, I’ll spend the same amount of time with her. I’ll help her with his homework or just simply talk to her about school, talk about her day, or spend half an hour or so doing something she wants to do. This helps them both spend time with me each day especially on weekends.

4. Foster independent time 

 It’s important that your kids learn to not be so dependent on you, and demand your attention and time 24/7. That’s why I would like to recommend encouraging your children to spend time on their own 'me time'. Whether they play with their toys, spend time together, or do some homework; it’s important they learn a little independence.

This will help you to spend time with your other child, but will also teach them that it’s okay not to have your undivided attention. For me and my wife though, my daughter is so happy to spend time at her grandparents house during weekends, so it’s hard to pencil in any one-on-one time!

5. Spend time as a family

My final advice is to not see parenting as a ‘one or the other’ type approach. You’re a family and should spend as much time together as you can whether it be evenings or days out, or just eating meals together. Being a multi-tasking parent is hard but it’s a rewarding job.

Do you have tips and advice on how you spend time with each of your children? I’d love to hear them and we can add it here in the future.